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Archive for the ‘LOL’ Category

WORKER SURVIVES STEEL BAR THROUGH THE MOUTH

Posted by Lady Vesuvius on October 9, 2009

Construction worker Yang Jinmin bit off more than he could chew while he chatted to pals on a building site.

Yang Jinmin, looking surprisingly calm, is helped by medics after getting the steel bar lodged in his mouth

Yang Jinmin, looking surprisingly calm, is helped by medics after getting the steel bar lodged in his mouth

Yang, 38, was so busy talking as he jumped into the building’s foundations he didn’t see this 5-foot-long steel bar sticking out.

The inch-wide support girder went straight through his open mouth and into the base of his skull.

Next time you feel down in the mouth about work – think about this!!

Posted in Fail, LOL, News, OMG | Tagged: , | 2 Comments »

BRITISH MAGICIAN AND MENTALIST DERREN BROWN INVESTIGATED BY OFCOM

Posted by Lady Vesuvius on September 18, 2009

Britain’s leading magician and mentalist, Derren Brown, is currently being investigated by Ofcom because of a homophobic comment he made on his TV show.

The Telegraph have revealed that Ofcom received 27 complaints from offended viewers of his TV show in which he explained how he correctly predicted the lottery numbers just a few days before and made a quip about the bonus ball being for “women and gays”, he also repeated this comment on his official Twitter.

Here are the actual Tweets he made:

“Ok, gays and women. Do you or do you not pay particular attention the bonus ball? I know I do.”

“And I am including gay women in that of course. Twice as much reason to pay attention.”

“May be offending straight men and bisexuals. Apologies, do be sure to complain. X”

… and complain they did, all 27 of them!

Brown, 38, who actually came out as gay in The Independent a few years ago, has been accused of being homophobic (lol) and sexist because of the above comments. It has also been rumoured that Brown has just signed a new £2 million contract with Channel 4 after being head hunted by ITV. We wonder if Channel 4 are regretting this decision after a disastrous week for the mind bender.

Wed 9th Sept – Derren correctly predicts all 6 numbers of the national lottery. The world wide web goes crazy trying to work out how he did it. Public opinion – split screen.

Thurs 10th SeptA plausible video surfaces showing how Derren probably predicted the numbers. The video makes it to the tabloids, the video makers, to radio.

Fri 11th Sept – Brown explains on TV how he actually predicted the numbers yet doesn’t really tell us anything at all and makes a “women and gays” joke that only Bernard Manning would be proud of. Public opinion – still split screen but now Brown is a knob for thinking the public are stupid and that only women and gays like the bonus ball. Plausible video looking more plausible. 27 offended people contact Ofcom.

Mon 14th Sept – Damage control begins as The Sun reveals that Brown predicted the numbers BEFORE Christmas but the footage of him doing so were cut from Friday’s show due to time. No such footage has (yet) been seen or released. Public still angry, now with possible cover up.

Wed 16th Sept – Derren makes the “women and gays” comment again on his Twitter.

Thurs 17th Sept – It is revealed Brown is being investigated by Ofcom for his remark. His Twitter is more quiet than usual. No comment from Brown or his publicist Greg Day yet.

I wonder if Derren is of the opinion that any publicity is good publicity, hmmm…

Posted in Celebrity, Entertainment, Fail, LOL, News, OMG, WTF | Tagged: , | 5 Comments »

TOY PARROT TELLS CHILD, 5, TO “BUGGER OFF”!

Posted by Lady Vesuvius on May 4, 2009

Tara Weston went crackers when the cuddly parrot she bought for her five-year-old uttered a string of obscenities.

Horrified Tara, 32, listened in disbelief as the 99p fluffy toy blurted out a barrage of vile insults when daughter Demi pulled the cord.

“We chose the parrot in the toy section, so I expected it to be completely child-friendly,” said Tara. But instead of repeating: “What’s yer name?” or “Polly wants a cracker”, the foul-mouthed bird squawked: “I’m going to rip you head off and s*** down your neck.”

The parrot finished its torrent of abuse by yelling “b****r off” and “up your bum”. Fuming Tara, from Holloway, north London, marched back to her nearby The 99p Store to demand bosses remove the swearing parrot from its shelves.

“I was shocked with the lack of response I received,” she said. “Really, it’s disgusting. “The manager told me it had been a mistake and shouldn’t have been in the children’s section.

“I insisted they give me the number for head office so I could make an official complaint.”

She added: “My sister went back to the shop later and the parrots still hadn’t been removed. What if another child had been bought one?

“Five-year-olds shouldn’t be hearing swear words like that.” The angry mum contacted Trading Standards officials and was told several complaints had been made by parents around the country.

A spokeswoman for Islington trading standards officers said: “We will be contacting the store to suggest the item is moved into another area, as it’s clearly not suitable to be on sale in the children’s section.”

Nigel Peckham, director of The 99p Store, a nationwide chain, said the product was designed for adults and was clearly labelled as not suitable for children.

“We encourage all our customers to reach us through our customer services department,” he said. “I’ll be very happy to deal with a complaint when it arrives.”

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If the lolparrot was clearly labelled “not suitable for children” then WTF is all the fuss about? It’s just a case of thick (and cheap) parenting, like the time one mother bought a dildo for her baby, thinking it was an odd shaped pacifier. READ. THE. LABEL!! What next? Buying her daughter a copy of Viz magazine thinking it was an innocent comic? Fuck the parrot, I’ll rip her head off and shit down her neck. Dumb cow! I mean if you are going to be a tight-arsed bitch and spend 99p on a toy for your child then you deserve everything you get!

Posted in Entertainment, LOL, News, Rant, WTF | Tagged: | 1 Comment »

BULL CHARGES THROUGH IRISH SUPERMARKET

Posted by Lady Vesuvius on April 26, 2009

A bull has apparently been caught on CCTV browsing the aisles of an Irish supermarket.

Stunned shoppers watched on as the young animal charged through the automatic doors at Cummins’s SuperValu in Ballinrobe, County Mayo.

The bull made its way through the shop before turning around and leaving from the front exit, reports The Daily Telegraph. Owner John Cummins said that no-one was injured in the incident and that the only damage sustained was to a fruit and vegetable stand.

“The bull ran down one aisle, and into the store area, where he had a good look around and came back out again. He then charged down another aisle, and out the front door again,” he said.

“Amazingly, no one came directly in his path or it could have been very bad news. It was a happy ending to a story that could have gone very wrong.”

The bull was later recaptured by its owner, a local farmer.

Posted in Animals, LOL, News | Tagged: | 1 Comment »

ALCOHOLICS MAY LOSE BENEFITS

Posted by Lady Vesuvius on April 14, 2009

ALCOHOLICS who are unable to work could lose their benefits if they do not sober up, under controversial new plans.

Job Centres would refer people with drink problems for treatment under the scheme being considered by the Government.

Those who refuse to attend or fail to see it through will have their benefits stopped.

Laws forcing drug addicts to get treatment or lose benefits are going through Parliament.

Announcing a review into the plan yesterday, Work and Pensions Secretary James Purnell said alcoholics also needed a push to seek help.

He said: “We can’t abandon anyone to long periods on benefits without help to overcome problems.”

But last night drug and alcohol charity Addaction said:

Job Centres would refer people with drink problems for treatment under the scheme being considered by the Government.

Those who refuse to attend or fail to see it through will have their benefits stopped.

Laws forcing drug addicts to get treatment or lose benefits are going through Parliament.

Announcing a review into the plan yesterday, Work and Pensions Secretary James Purnell said alcoholics also needed a push to seek help.

He said: “We can’t abandon anyone to long periods on benefits without help to overcome problems.”

But last night drug and alcohol charity Addaction said: “Stopping someone’s benefits could have a real impact on any children they have.

“It’s essential that families are taken into account.”

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LOL at this quote: “Stopping someone’s benefits could have a real impact on any children they have. It’s essential that families are taken into account.

So do these alcoholics and drug addicts take their kids into account when they are getting pissed and/or high and putting their life at risk and sometimes the safety of their children? I don’t think so!! These kind of people aren’t thinking of, or don’t care about the impact it would/could have on their children. Duh!

Posted in Health, Lifestyle, LOL, News | Tagged: | 1 Comment »

WOMAN SWIMS TO HUG POLAR BEAR BUT IS SHOCKED WHEN IT TRIES TO NOM HER ASS

Posted by Lady Vesuvius on April 12, 2009

This has to be the most stupidest, yet funniest thing I have read in a long time.

A 32 year old woman took her husband and baby to Berlin Zoo to see the famous Knut, who took Germany by storm as a cub after he was hand-raised by a keeper. The insane woman took off her shoes, jumped into the polar bear enclosure and swam towards one of the bears at one of the worst times – feeding time.

No one knows exactly what the woman was trying to achieve by jumping in the enclosure as it isn’t easy to gain access, but one thing’s for sure, she didn’t expect to be mauled. When she swam to the polar bear, it started to bite her arms and legs – like any normal person would expect of a wild animal. Maybe the dumb cow just thought polar bears were really men in costumes. The brave keepers managed to distact the polar bears and pull the mad woman to safety. She was later taken to hospital where she was treat for bites to her arms and legs but not treated for her obvious mental disorder.

Here are some pics of the lolsome occassion:

Aww, look how excited she is to see the soft and gentle wild animals.

Aww, look how excited she is to see the soft and gentle wild animals.

Almost there! She cant wait to leap into their open arms (and mouthes).

Almost there! She can't wait to leap into their open arms (and mouthes).

Hi Mr Polar Bear... youre a lot bigger than you are on the TV

"Hi Mr Polar Bear... you're a lot bigger than you are on the TV"

WTF do you think you are doing?!? How dare you!! No, I am NOT salmon!

"WTF do you think you are doing?!? How dare you!! No, I am NOT seal! His music is shite!"

FFS piss off will you!! Leave my ass alone!

"FFS piss off will you!! Leave my ass alone!! Now I KNOW you are just men in suits"

She tasted like chicken... but chicken basted in piss

"She tasted like chicken... but chicken basted in piss"

Posted in Animals, Entertainment, Fail, LOL, Nature, News, OMG | Tagged: , | 1 Comment »

PETA: PET SHOP BOYS CHANGE YOUR NAME!

Posted by Lady Vesuvius on April 10, 2009

In what could be the strangest request in pop history, animal rights group Peta has asked the Pet Shop Boys to consider changing their name to the Rescue Shelter Boys.

The organisation, whose full name is People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, said the change would encourage people to give homes to unwanted cats and dogs from shelters rather than buying especially-bred animals from pet shops.

Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe, who named themselves the Pet Shop Boys more than 20 years ago, declined the request but delighted Peta by posting the organisation’s concerns on their website.

The group, who found fame in the Eighties with West End Girls and It’s A Sin, reproduced Peta’s written request in full, noting that the issues raised were “worth thinking about”.

The organisation’s special project’s manager Yvonne Taylor wrote: “We have a request that might at first seem bizarre, but we hope that after considering the following facts you will understand why we are asking this of you: will you please consider changing your name from the Pet Shop Boys to the Rescue Shelter Boys.

Taylor goes on to allege that breeders who supply pet shops are “profit hungry” and keep animals in “cramped, filthy conditions”

The letter closes: “By agreeing to change your name to the Rescue Shelter Boys, you would help raise awareness about the cruelty involved in the pet trade and encourage your millions of fans to consider giving a home to an abandoned or unwanted animal from an animal shelter. So what do you say?”

While their request was turned down, Peta remain fans of the Pet Shop Boys. On its own website today, the organisation said it was pleased the band had drawn attention to their cause and would be putting West End Girls on their iPods to celebrate.

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I have a request for Peta – stop wasting your time making such stupid requests like this and concentrate on your cause… like not putting down 95% of rehomable animals [source] like you currently do. As much as I like what Peta (apparently) stand for, I don’t like their blatent hypocricy.

CCF (Center for Consumer Freedom) Research Director David Martosko said: “Since killing pets is A-OK with PETA, why should anyone listen to their demands about eating meat, using lab rats for medical research, or taking children to the circus?”… does that also include telling pop bands to change their name? lol

Posted in Animals, Celebrity, Entertainment, FFS, LOL, News, Rant, WTF | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

PARKINSON: JADE WAS “IGNORANT, PUERILE AND NO DIANA”

Posted by Lady Vesuvius on April 7, 2009

Sir Michael Parkinson has launched an extraordinary attack on Jade Goody, calling her ‘ignorant and puerile’.

Just days after the reality show star’s funeral, for which thousands of well-wishers lined the streets, Parky, 74, has spoken out to say she represented ‘all that is paltry and wretched about Britain today’.

Writing in the Radio Times, he said Goody, 27, who died of cancer, should not have a ‘martyr’ status and was instead a poor role model who was exploited by the media.

‘Jade Goody has her own place in the history of television and, while it’s significant, it’s nothing to be proud of,’ the veteran TV host said.

‘Her death is as sad as the death of any young person, but it’s not the passing of a martyr or a saint, or, God help us, Princess Di.

‘When we clear the media smokescreen, what we’re left with is a woman who came to represent all that’s paltry and wretched about Britain today.

‘She was brought up on a sink estate, as a child came to know both drugs and crime, was barely educated, ignorant and puerile.’

His words are bound to come under fire from Goody’s legions of fans, who dubbed her the ‘Essex princess’.

Goody died last month after losing her very public battle with cervical cancer. Her funeral at the weekend saw thousands take to the streets to pay their respects.

The 27-year-old had first come into the public eye in 2002 on Big Brother and went on to make millions before she was struck down by the disease.

She made the decision to live out her final days in the full glare of the media to raise as much money for her two young sons and possible.

Although her very public death was derided by some, it was also credited with prompting a huge rise in the number of women going for cervical smears.

Max Clifford, Goody’s publicist, said today that he was ‘surprised and disappointed’ by Sir Michael’s comments.

‘What Michael forgets to mention is that Jade already has saved, and will save in the future, countless lives of young women through her public battle with cervical cancer,’ he said.

Meanwhile, it has been revealed that Goody’s husband, Jack Tweed, has expressed his wish to be buried next to her when he dies.

Goody’s family bought a double plot so he can one day join her.

Tweed, who is currently on bail awaiting sentencing for assault, married Jade in February to fulfil one of his girlfriend’s dying wishes.

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For Gods sake! Yes, it’s sad that Jade died but it’s no sadder than any other person dying of cancer or dying at all for that matter. Jade has done good by raising awareness of cervical cancer and has probably saved many lives BUT that is all she has done. The way the public and media have reacted to her illness has been way OTT, maybe people forget that before she got cancer she was widely thought of as a racist, bullying bitch and was one point hated more than Bin Laden, not many people liked her at all. It’s amazing what a terminal illness can do. In my opinion, Parkinson’s comment’s were not an attack on Jade Goody, they were FACT! If people see them as some kind of attack then that says a lot about Jade herself as what he says was what Jade was.

Posted in Celebrity, Entertainment, LOL, News, Rant | Tagged: , | 3 Comments »

WHO’D SHELL OUT FOR A £1K EGG?

Posted by Lady Vesuvius on April 7, 2009

As Easter approaches for recession-hit Britain, one retailer is calling for shoppers to loosen their belts and tuck into a £1,000 chocolate egg.

Could this handsome piece of confectionary turn a sweet profit?

Could this handsome piece of confectionary turn a sweet profit?

Department store Selfridges hopes customers will be tempted to shell out for the eggs, which contain a gold coin, on the basis they will go up in value.

The retailer says the confectionary, which is handmade by Melt, “makes for a wise investment”.

The one troy ounce gold coin is worth almost £900, 75% higher than in 2005, and forecasters expect the value to rise even further.

A Selfridges spokesman said: “According to the financial institution Swiss bank UBS, demand for gold will double this year compared to 2007, as investors see the precious metal as a safe haven during the current volatile economic climate.”

Ewan Venters, director of food and drink at Selfridges, said: “Don’t invest in the stock market this Easter, invest in the golden egg instead.

“It really is worth its weight in gold – even after the fantastic chocolate has been eaten.”

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So, a sweet investment?

Posted in LOL, News, OMG, The Weird and the Wonderful, WTF | Tagged: | 1 Comment »

WEIRDEST WORLD RECORDS

Posted by Lady Vesuvius on March 28, 2009

Largest (and Probably Only) Airplane Ever Eaten. Michel Lotito, better known as Monsieur Mangetout (Mr. Eat Everything) is basically a normal guy, except he eats things like metal and glass.

He is the current (as if anyone else can do it …) world record holder of biggest meal ever eaten: a Cessna 150 airplane.

World’s Longest Nose. Betcha didn’t know that there’s an annual longest nose competition in Turkey. Or that Mehmet Ozyurek’s 3 and a half inches snout wins every time!

World’s Longest Midget Toss. Midget or dwarf tossing has got to be one of the strangest “sport” ever! The longest toss recorded was in 2002 British Dwarf Tossing Championship, when Jimmy Leonard tossed Lenny the Giant 11 feet and 5 inches!

In case you’re wondering, the midget usually comes out ahead – they’re paid a princely sum to be tossed around. Some even made over $100,000 a year until the sport was banned in the US in 1989.

World’s Largest Bowl of Pasta. Lisa and Steve’s got a unique wedding. Who else can claim to be married (on Valentine’s Day 2004 no less) on the Keeler TV Show while standing on the world’s largest bowl of pasta (all 7,355 lb. of it!).

Farthest Nasal Ejection. If you’re looking for world records, you can’t go wrong with the Guinness World Records. It’s still the place to go to find weird world records, like Kevin Cole’s Farthest Spaghetti Nasal Ejection World Record of 19 cm (7.5 in).

Posted in LOL, OMG, The Weird and the Wonderful, WTF | Tagged: , | 1 Comment »