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Archive for the ‘Fail’ Category

WORKER SURVIVES STEEL BAR THROUGH THE MOUTH

Posted by Lady Vesuvius on October 9, 2009

Construction worker Yang Jinmin bit off more than he could chew while he chatted to pals on a building site.

Yang Jinmin, looking surprisingly calm, is helped by medics after getting the steel bar lodged in his mouth

Yang Jinmin, looking surprisingly calm, is helped by medics after getting the steel bar lodged in his mouth

Yang, 38, was so busy talking as he jumped into the building’s foundations he didn’t see this 5-foot-long steel bar sticking out.

The inch-wide support girder went straight through his open mouth and into the base of his skull.

Next time you feel down in the mouth about work – think about this!!

Posted in Fail, LOL, News, OMG | Tagged: , | 2 Comments »

BRITISH MAGICIAN AND MENTALIST DERREN BROWN INVESTIGATED BY OFCOM

Posted by Lady Vesuvius on September 18, 2009

Britain’s leading magician and mentalist, Derren Brown, is currently being investigated by Ofcom because of a homophobic comment he made on his TV show.

The Telegraph have revealed that Ofcom received 27 complaints from offended viewers of his TV show in which he explained how he correctly predicted the lottery numbers just a few days before and made a quip about the bonus ball being for “women and gays”, he also repeated this comment on his official Twitter.

Here are the actual Tweets he made:

“Ok, gays and women. Do you or do you not pay particular attention the bonus ball? I know I do.”

“And I am including gay women in that of course. Twice as much reason to pay attention.”

“May be offending straight men and bisexuals. Apologies, do be sure to complain. X”

… and complain they did, all 27 of them!

Brown, 38, who actually came out as gay in The Independent a few years ago, has been accused of being homophobic (lol) and sexist because of the above comments. It has also been rumoured that Brown has just signed a new £2 million contract with Channel 4 after being head hunted by ITV. We wonder if Channel 4 are regretting this decision after a disastrous week for the mind bender.

Wed 9th Sept – Derren correctly predicts all 6 numbers of the national lottery. The world wide web goes crazy trying to work out how he did it. Public opinion – split screen.

Thurs 10th SeptA plausible video surfaces showing how Derren probably predicted the numbers. The video makes it to the tabloids, the video makers, to radio.

Fri 11th Sept – Brown explains on TV how he actually predicted the numbers yet doesn’t really tell us anything at all and makes a “women and gays” joke that only Bernard Manning would be proud of. Public opinion – still split screen but now Brown is a knob for thinking the public are stupid and that only women and gays like the bonus ball. Plausible video looking more plausible. 27 offended people contact Ofcom.

Mon 14th Sept – Damage control begins as The Sun reveals that Brown predicted the numbers BEFORE Christmas but the footage of him doing so were cut from Friday’s show due to time. No such footage has (yet) been seen or released. Public still angry, now with possible cover up.

Wed 16th Sept – Derren makes the “women and gays” comment again on his Twitter.

Thurs 17th Sept – It is revealed Brown is being investigated by Ofcom for his remark. His Twitter is more quiet than usual. No comment from Brown or his publicist Greg Day yet.

I wonder if Derren is of the opinion that any publicity is good publicity, hmmm…

Posted in Celebrity, Entertainment, Fail, LOL, News, OMG, WTF | Tagged: , | 5 Comments »

LEGEND PHIL SPECTOR CONVICTED OF MURDER

Posted by Lady Vesuvius on April 13, 2009

Phil Spector is likely to die in prison after the legendary music producer was convicted of murder for shooting the actor Lana Clarkson in a drunken and “sadistic” bout of Russian roulette.

Phil Spector arrives at court in Los Angeles after jurors announced they had reached a verdict in his murder trial. Photograph: Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images.

Phil Spector arrives at court in Los Angeles after jurors announced they had reached a verdict in his murder trial. Photograph: Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images.

The Los Angeles jury spent nearly nine days deliberating over the case in which the prosecution portrayed Spector, 68, as a misogynist with a history of pulling guns and “playing Russian roulette with the lives of women” while drunk. Prosecutors said it was only by a miracle that Clarkson, star of the cult film Barbarian Queen, was the first to die.

Spector was taken to prison to await a sentence next month of at least 18 years following his conviction for second-degree murder at his mansion six years ago.

However long he remains in prison, the trial has destroyed the reputation of one of the most influential music producers of the 60s, who pioneered the “wall of sound” with groups such as the Ronettes and went on to work closely with some of the most renowned musicians of the next two decades, from the Beatles to the Ramones.

Spector’s wife, Rachelle, sobbed as the decision was announced.

The defence contended that Clarkson, 40, killed herself because she was depressed over her failing career and financial worries. But the jury at Spector’s second trial – the first ended in deadlock – was persuaded by the prosecution’s claim that the killing was malicious and that the music producer was a “demonic maniac” who on other occasions had pointed loaded guns at five women and pulled the trigger, although the hammer hit an empty chamber every time.

“By the grace of God, five other women got the empty chamber and lived to tell,” said the prosecutor, Truc Do. “Lana just happened to be the sixth woman who got the bullet,”

Do told the court that Spector was used to tormenting women without suffering any consequences because he existed “in a world where money and fame buys you the VIP treatment.”

“Behind the VIP was a very dangerous man, a man who believed that all women … deserve a bullet in their head. In every single one of these incidents, Mr Spector demonstrates conscious disregard for human life. Her death was a death waiting to happen in his world.”

For the final prosecution statement, deputy district attorney Alan Jackson repeated a theme he had struck in the first trial, taking jurors back to the night of Clarkson’s death and asking them to imagine what they might have said to her before she got in Spector’s car.

“You are all thinking the same thing,” Jackson said. “You’d say, ‘Lana, whatever you do, don’t go.'”

In his closing statement, Spector’s lawyer, Doron Weinberg, attempted to dispel the notion of the “demonic maniac”, focusing on the forensic evidence which he said demonstrated that Clarkson had been holding the gun. Weinberg even showed jurors the gun that killed Clarkson, pointing it toward his own head as he argued that the blood stains on the handle proved it had been in her hands when it was fired.

“Phil Spector’s DNA was nowhere on that gun,” Weinberg said. “Every single fact says this is a self-inflicted gunshot wound. How do you ignore it? How do you say this could have been a homicide?”

Wienberg also attacked the testimony of Spector’s chauffeur, who alleged that the producer came out of his house and said, “I think I killed somebody.”

The driver, Weinberg said, was tired and hungry, his English was not great and there a fountain was running next to the car. “How do you know [what he said] wasn’t ‘Call somebody’?”

Spector, who did not take the witness stand in either trial, sat with his hands shaking, looking down at the table before him.

Clarkson’s mother, Donna, is expected to press ahead with a wrongful death suit against Spector, whose fortune was once estimated in the tens of millions of dollars but has been greatly depleted by the cost of his two murder trials.

Posted in Celebrity, Entertainment, Fail, News, OMG | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

WOMAN SWIMS TO HUG POLAR BEAR BUT IS SHOCKED WHEN IT TRIES TO NOM HER ASS

Posted by Lady Vesuvius on April 12, 2009

This has to be the most stupidest, yet funniest thing I have read in a long time.

A 32 year old woman took her husband and baby to Berlin Zoo to see the famous Knut, who took Germany by storm as a cub after he was hand-raised by a keeper. The insane woman took off her shoes, jumped into the polar bear enclosure and swam towards one of the bears at one of the worst times – feeding time.

No one knows exactly what the woman was trying to achieve by jumping in the enclosure as it isn’t easy to gain access, but one thing’s for sure, she didn’t expect to be mauled. When she swam to the polar bear, it started to bite her arms and legs – like any normal person would expect of a wild animal. Maybe the dumb cow just thought polar bears were really men in costumes. The brave keepers managed to distact the polar bears and pull the mad woman to safety. She was later taken to hospital where she was treat for bites to her arms and legs but not treated for her obvious mental disorder.

Here are some pics of the lolsome occassion:

Aww, look how excited she is to see the soft and gentle wild animals.

Aww, look how excited she is to see the soft and gentle wild animals.

Almost there! She cant wait to leap into their open arms (and mouthes).

Almost there! She can't wait to leap into their open arms (and mouthes).

Hi Mr Polar Bear... youre a lot bigger than you are on the TV

"Hi Mr Polar Bear... you're a lot bigger than you are on the TV"

WTF do you think you are doing?!? How dare you!! No, I am NOT salmon!

"WTF do you think you are doing?!? How dare you!! No, I am NOT seal! His music is shite!"

FFS piss off will you!! Leave my ass alone!

"FFS piss off will you!! Leave my ass alone!! Now I KNOW you are just men in suits"

She tasted like chicken... but chicken basted in piss

"She tasted like chicken... but chicken basted in piss"

Posted in Animals, Entertainment, Fail, LOL, Nature, News, OMG | Tagged: , | 1 Comment »

WOMAN GLUES EYES SHUT AFTER MISTAKING NAIL FIXER FOR EYE DROPS

Posted by Lady Vesuvius on April 5, 2009

Groping in the bathroom cabinet early one morning, her vision blurred by sleep, Paula Griffin grasped what she thought was her bottle of eye drops.

But instead she picked up an almost identical bottle of powerful nail glue and squirted it in her eye.

The blunder left her in agony and sealed her right eye shut. Relief only came eight hours later when doctors cut off her lashes and prised the eye open.

The glue could have caused permanent damage to Miss Griffin’s sight. It is used by beauty professionals to fix false nails and carries a warning that it bonds skin within seconds.

‘I was still really tired and I couldn’t see very well, so I stumbled into the bathroom and picked the bottle off the shelf,’ she said. ‘As soon as I squeezed it, I knew something was wrong. It was really thick and gloopy – not like eye drops at all.

‘I couldn’t dodge the liquid completely. I managed to stop it hitting the centre of the eye, and doctors told me later that it saved me from permanent damage.

‘It was agonising. It was burning so much it was my natural instinct to shut my eye. But as soon as I did, my eyelashes stuck fast. I was terrified I’d done permanent damage.’

Eyes wide shut: Miss Griffins eye was sealed by the glue

Eyes wide shut: Miss Griffin's eye was sealed by the glue

Miss Griffin, a company secretary, was taken to Poole Hospital in Dorset by her father Ron, 55. Doctors gave her paraffin to help dissolve the glue.

But by the afternoon she was still in great pain and the paraffin had made no progress so she went to an eye specialist at Bournemouth Hospital.

‘They told me I had three options left,’ she said. ‘I could leave it glued shut until it unglued itself naturally but that would almost certainly cause more damage. I could keep trying to treat it with the paraffin, or I could have all my eyelashes cut off to force the eye open.

‘By then, I was so miserable it wasn’t even a decision. I had them cut straight off.

‘It was horrible to have no eyelashes, but I don’t regret doing it.’

Miss Griffin, from Bournemouth, had to take a week off work and couldn’t drive for a few days. She had a cut across her eyeball and now wears false eyelashes. She is still waiting to find out whether she has done any lasting damage.

Dr Simon Bell, consultant in emergency medicine at Poole Hospital, said: ‘As long as the glue remains on the outside of the eye, the injury will be extremely painful but will only cause superficial damage.

‘If it had gone into the middle of the eyeball, it is much more likely permanent damage would have been caused.’

Drastic action: Paulas eye lashes were cut off and her pupil dilated

Drastic action: Paula's eye lashes were cut off and her pupil dilated

Posted in Fail, News, OMG | 1 Comment »

SCHOOL PUTS PIZZA AD ON EXAM PAPERS

Posted by Lady Vesuvius on March 27, 2009

A cash-strapped American high school has agreed a deal to put pizza adverts on its exam papers and worksheets.

Students studying at Pocatello High School in Idaho will be targeted by a promotion for a local pizza shop’s 14″ one-topping special.

The Molto Caldo Pizzeria advert appears on all test papers, handouts and worksheets.

The promotion reads MOLTO’S PIZZA 14″ 1 TOPPING JUST $5 in bright red, 2.5cm-high letters printed along the bottom of every page.

History and economics teacher Jeb Harrison dreamed up the scheme.

He believes the school will benefit from more than just a slice of the profits from the deal.

“I just wanted to find a way to save money,” Mr Harrison said.

Signs around the school already remind the staff to switch off the lights to save on the electricity bills.

Mr Harrison’s superiors were not instantly taken by the take-away adverts though.

But the enterprising teacher explained the advertisements could help illuminate such topics as the Great Depression.

.

Not 9″. Not even 12″. But a whopping 14″ bastard of a pizza. If there was one thing to put school kids off their exam it’s dreaming of 14″ pizza’s… that and porn… or pizza porn… or 14″ porn… or cats.

Posted in Fail, Health, LOL, News, OMG, WTF | 2 Comments »